I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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