She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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