Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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