you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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