When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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