why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
