DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
