I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
