I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ketchup is God's man juice
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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