You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my sisters under your porch take her home
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
