Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
