he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I need to sanitize my soul.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
