I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
