Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
