if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
