The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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