let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
