HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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