dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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