you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
