I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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