Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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