ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
