Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
