I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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