im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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