If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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