Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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