cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
