It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
