I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
