So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
