today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
