Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
