Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
