I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
