Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
