I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
