I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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