I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
