please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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