I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
