it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
wow bdsm is so cute
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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