I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
