Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
