why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is Oprah even human
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
