I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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