So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
