the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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