He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
In America we eat man semen.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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