nut hugger
im six kinds of drunk right now
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That accounts for only three of the penises
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
