the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
